I envy those who can go through life being honestly happy.
I admire them.
I am amazed at them.
I can't even remember what true, uninhibited happiness feels like. That may sound like an over-exaggeration but it's seriously not. I honestly can't remember how I used to feel before I became depressed as fuck. Depression seems to have that effect on you (or on me, I won't pretend to know how it feels for others who have depression) where you legitimately can't remember the times before you were depressed. Depression takes over your mind, and ruins you. I fucking hate it when people say "Sweetie, it's all in your head, you can think your way out of this." You don't think I've fucking tried? I've fucking tried, I have. But now I'm to the point where I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to get out of this. I don't want to be better. I just DON'T CARE. So don't cry for me, because this is how I choose to be, and this is how I will be.
I admire them.
I am amazed at them.
I can't even remember what true, uninhibited happiness feels like. That may sound like an over-exaggeration but it's seriously not. I honestly can't remember how I used to feel before I became depressed as fuck. Depression seems to have that effect on you (or on me, I won't pretend to know how it feels for others who have depression) where you legitimately can't remember the times before you were depressed. Depression takes over your mind, and ruins you. I fucking hate it when people say "Sweetie, it's all in your head, you can think your way out of this." You don't think I've fucking tried? I've fucking tried, I have. But now I'm to the point where I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to get out of this. I don't want to be better. I just DON'T CARE. So don't cry for me, because this is how I choose to be, and this is how I will be.
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